life transitions, transition

Life Transitions – what the heck are they?

Life Transitions – planned and unplanned

What do job change, loss of a loved one, moving, losing valuables in a flood, retirement, pregnancy, and graduating high school all have in common? Drum roll please…they are all LIFE TRANSITIONS! Sounds like a fancy name given to something that is not actually fancy at all? You’re correct! “Life transitions” is a blanket term “we therapy people” give to the personal experience of coming to terms with any change throughout life that causes us to re-invent ourselves in some way. We go through change and transition all the time; some are easy and some are not. A life transition can be expected, like turning 30, or unexpected, like losing your home in a fire.

Often, people experiencing changes and going through transition become frustrated with themselves.  When I’m working with someone and hear them say things like they should be “moving on by now,” or feel like they’ve “lost themselves,” my first inclination is, they may be stuck in the “neutral zone.” William Bridges, an early expert on life transitions, was the creator of the “transition model,” a three-phase model of life transitions. This model includes endings, neutral zone, and new beginnings. Getting “stuck” in one of these phases is not uncommon or unusual, and yet it most often leaves us feeling broken, feeling crazy, or just like something is “wrong” with us. On the contrary, something is right with you. Your body is reacting the way we were meant to react, which can, quite frankly, feel awful at times.

William Bridges once said, “every beginning starts with an ending.” Ending and changing are like growing pains, they can hurt- just ask a butterfly! Even so, they do not have to be times of “crisis.”

Most Commonly Searched Life Transitions:

The list of life transitions is extensive, and some life transitions are more common or widely known than others. To further illustrate this broad stroke “life transitions,” I thought it might be fun to look at the most commonly searched for “life transitions” online!

30’s Crisis Life Transition:

After the invigorating whirlwind of our 20’s, our 30’s often become a time to look back and reflect. Areas of our 20’s that were excitingly unpredictable, like college, entering the work force, and dating, start to level out or morph in composition. For many, accepting this major shift and/or figuring out who we are through these changes can be a struggle. Our 20’s focus on social life, may start taking a back seat as priorities like going back for an advanced degree, “nesting,” and exchanging our backpacking lifestyle for a first or forever home, start to take precedence. Such a change in priorities can sometimes leave us feeling like we need to be “grown up” now. The feeling of becoming a text-book “grown up” can leave a pit of nostalgia, a heavy weight in our stomachs. Talk about growing pains!

Job Loss Life transition:

Many of us have considered the possibility of job-loss, but when it goes from a metaphorical possibility to bleak reality, the immediate need to adjust can be hard to manage. Whether you are on your own, a single parent, or part of a partnership or marriage, job-loss can be a life-altering strain.  Whether you’re looking at going back to school, networking for job opportunities, or reaching out to a job coach, the work necessary after job loss can feel daunting.

Mid-life crisis life transition:

And now we get to the Mid-life crisis! An idea that has essentially taken on a life of its own within Hollywood and society at large. In Reality, “mid-life” can be anywhere between the ages of 40-60, affect any gender, and can result in much more than buying a flashy car and inappropriately young clothing. As in your 30’s crisis transition, this is also a time of look back. Some of the difficulties people face in mid-life crisis might include the reality of one’s own mortality, changing appearance, and the feeling of urgency around the need to change.  Many people experience more than one mid-life crisis.  For example it is common for successful business people to experience one because they have become so successful and people treat them differently when they hit forty and another at 55 when they tire of “playing the game”

Retirement Life Transition:

Going from 30-60 hours/week of hard work to having an additional 30-60 hours of free time sounds fantastic! Sign me up!  Many of us look at “retirement” as the ultimate goal. We fantasize about never having to work again, or about all the things we’ll finally do. Seldom do we think of what a major change retirement is. Too often people finally make it to their goal, “retirement,” and find themselves depressed 3 months in. Why? Chalk that up to life transitions.

Health Issue Life Transition:

Health changes can pose more than the addition of a new diagnosis on your medical history. A health transition can reach deep into the most personal parts of ourselves, who we are, our physical abilities, our emotional health, daily routine, what we eat or do, and overall wellbeing. The word “difficult” falls grossly short in describing the waves of emotion a new diagnosis can elicit.

What can you do to manage life transitions?

I’ll say it again, the list of life transitions is extensive, they can be hard, easy, planned, or unplanned, they can cause stress, and shake the foundation we stand on. They can also be times of growth and healing. If you are struggling, there is help. Follow this link to check out one of the most popular posts on the internet summarizing how to manage life transitions, published in the contact us to explore further by looking at the services that we offer.

Life transitions can be easy or tough, but when they are tough, I hope it’s easier to see why! The amount of change and adjustment that happens or needs to happen is immense, and if anything else is happening in your life while you’re going through a transition (as usually is the case), this can make easily navigating the transition, much less “easy.”

If you feel you or someone you know may need help traversing a life transition, are anticipating a tough transition, or have already gone through a transition and are still struggling, counseling is a successful intervention and can help soften the journey.  One of my passions is working with individuals going through life transitions –if you want to see a short video about how I work with clients – here is my detailed information page.

Image Credit – Adobe Stock –

Editors note – for more about our author see my interview with her on our coffee with a counselor page – Crissy

 

2 replies
  1. Vivian Black
    Vivian Black says:

    Basically, as your article suggests, this life transition counseling is going to help in making a person feel more at home in their new state of life coming from a divorce, 30’s life crisis, job loss, mid-life crisis, retirement, health issue, and divorce. That sounds like an essential kind of counseling to have for those who were together for years and have been torn apart after or those who suddenly need to start anew. Hopefully, that will be able to help out my sister as she’s planning to have a divorce filed soon after being married for years. Thanks!

    Reply
    • Mary
      Mary says:

      Vivian, thank you so much for your comment. You hit the nail on the head – a divorce is a major life transition. Even if it seemed like each person grew far apart from the other and rarely seemed to connect,  the brain registers things consciously and unconsciously. The change in environment from both people having things there to only one will register in your brain and feel weird or different, etc. Habits,  routine, sensory information all changes – that’s alot for one brain to process and make sense of all at once. Looking at the stages of grief may be helpful,  because she is likely to go through grieving(regardless of whether the relationship was good or bad). I hope this helps both of you through this transition – remember,  eventually there is a new beginning, and this can be beautiful. Good luck and know you/she can always reach out to a counselor/therapist☺

      Reply

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